Tuesday, March 10, 2009

New Year's resolution, or Lenten discipline?

I have been encouraged - driven, even - by my friends to write more. I agreed to do so as a New Year's resolution. That didn't actually work out. Starting now, it's more of a Lenten discipline. Considering that we're now past the Second Sunday in Lent, I'm a bit remiss here as well. But the time has come, and I am finally resolving to write.

Why so reluctant, when I love to write? Embarrassment? Modesty? The old fear of being "discovered"? There is something about writing that exposes the writer to all his readers. My prior essays, by and large, were triggered by outrage or injustice. Easy enough to hide behind righteous indignation. Writing as a discipline and a practice, divulges who I am: just and unjust, kind and cruel, global and petty, deep and shallow, loved and, in all my faults, human. Honesty demands humility.

It has been nearly two years since my separation and only three months since the divorce. I may never shed all the embarrassment and shame of having to go through it and put my now ex-wife through it. By writing this blog, all my laundry will eventually be hung out for all my readers to see. It is time to shed the modesty. I am who I am. Enjoy the view.

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